![]() I used to love him, now I don’t She used to love him But now she didn't He said he loved her a thousand times But when her pleas of loneliness and silent cries in the middle of the night went unanswered She changed her mind In the beginning it was different (isn't it always) He promised her the world Past the moon and the stars She believed him with her being (so it seemed) Took it all in And dreamed the impossible dream A world where the two of them were together Forever (maybe) Because in the back of her thoughts Doubt and uncertainty became kin And his touch no longer tickled her skin Because she felt it knew it Couldn't name it, didn't want to believe it But she knew he'd changed Her body changed forms Outwardly her stomach enlarged Inwardly she starved Because her craving for love was not being fed Her weight increased from the need to release all the hurt and pain Yet she remained coupled with him He grew slim Refusing to partake of the love on his plate And began to nibble at foreign delicacies Her heart broke and she took in all of his sins And attempted to mask what was no longer beautiful Although she knew the truth She refused to let go Afraid she'd never have another chance to be coupled For she felt she was no longer appealing to the male eye For she had extra packaging around the waist And her thighs were likened to thunder She felt huge Burdened by the knowledge that she had to let go For he didn't love her And yet she didn't know how to leave Her breathing was uneasy As she stepped across the bridal threshold She kneeled on the floor Near the bags he'd packed and placed by the door She couldn't move It was no longer unspoken But painstakingly clear His heart hadn't been there in years And through scorching tears She watched the person leave His heart was broken That was the true reason he couldn't give himself to her His momma never hugged him like he needed And his innerchild pleaded for her arms In his home, where he grew up, where he was from There was no warmth, love didn't flow So he didn't grow Stunted by childhood pain Unable to understand that his momma Thought depriving him of emotion would make him a better man And that's why he couldn't love her... By Shamyra Kendricks
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December 2019
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