You are a smart, talented, creative, beautiful woman with so much to offer. You radiate positivity wherever you go. Your success is infallible because of your hard work, determination, and preparedness.
Have you ever given much thought about the impact your immediate surroundings have had on your success? What about any negative influences?
Everything that touches our life has had some sort of effect on us one way or another. If this is true then it should be very important for us to be aware of who and what we allow in our circle.
Our childhood circumstances - whether good or bad- were beyond our control. We learned to adapt and did the best we could with what we were given. Now that we are adults, we have total control over our surroundings. It would make sense that if we want to continue to be successful that we surround ourselves with like-minded people. Want to be happy? Make sure your friends and associates are happy. Want to be healthy? Surround yourself with healthy people and habits.
Jim Rohn, an entrepreneur and motivational speaker says “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
Take some time to evaluate your circle. If there are some things or people that don't make the cut then feel free to eliminate. Being around positivity will automatically motivate you to do the same.
Keep your circle happy, successful, peaceful, and full of life!
So many people struggle with acceptance and the fear of being alone. What is so terrible about being with just you? How can you expect someone to enjoy spending time with you if you do not? Here are five reasons why you are enough!
1. Worrying about… everything.
Worry is the biggest happiness slayer ever. Worry steals all of your attention and gives the illusion that you are working through a problem when you are not. As Van Wilder said, "Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere."
People worry for all sorts of reasons: to escape reality, fear of the unknown, resistance to change, lack of confidence, etc.
Stopping worry, like everything else takes practice; the more you do it, the better you will become at discerning when you are no longer controlling your thoughts and they are controlling you.
Tip: To jolt yourself out of worry, ask yourself what you can do "right now" to make your life more pleasant and then do that!
2. Constant, deliberate, people-pleasing.
Contrary to what you may think, saying "yes" to every request that is made of you is not nice. First, it is not nice to you because it can leave you emotionally, mentally and physically drained. And second, it is not nice to the other person, because it deceives them into thinking that you have the time, energy and other resources available to make what they want happen, when you do not.
Generally people who carry out the duties of others at the expense of themselves have low self-esteem and high levels of unhappiness. They need the approval of others to make themselves feel worthy.
Tip: To combat people-pleasing behavior, learn to say "no." Oftentimes when you say "no" to someone else, you are really saying "yes" to YOU.
Procrastination is stagnation. There is no other way to say it. When you procrastinate, nothing good in your life is happening.
We procrastinate for all sorts of reasons. When we are afraid of the outcome, we are unsure how to complete the task and when we just don’t feel like taking action.
And the thing is, we spend more time aggravating ourselves with worry about how long or how difficult the task is going to be rather than just doing it. More often than not, if you just start your task, you will be pleasantly surprised at how easily you are able to accomplish it.
Tip: When you feel yourself getting ready to procrastinate, silently say "stop" to yourself, refocus and begin again by taking calculated action that will lead to the results you desire. (Read Getting Things Done.)
4. Living in the past.
The past is gone for good and yet we spend so much time thinking about what happened yesterday, at the complete expense of today. Keeping your thoughts stuck in the past is especially detrimental to your contentment. You are a product of your environment. Your environment has helped to shape how you think and feel about yourself. Everyone has been presented with life challenges along their journey – you aren’t alone. It is whether you are stuck in the patterns of the past or have moved past them.
Tip: If you are harboring resentment, anger, frustration or other negative feelings from your past, don’t ignore these feelings. Do something constructive about it so that you can move into the present.
5. Always looking past the present moment in anticipation of the next.
We spend so much time in this moment, wanting to be in the next one, that we are missing our lives.
For example, while taking a shower, you might be thinking about that cup of coffee you want to make, and while you are drinking your coffee, you might be thinking about your commute to work. You are never consciously present right where you are and therefore cannot enjoy the moment you are in – the moment we call "life."
Tip: Now is the only time you have. Now is life. Make sure you are fully experiencing it.
6. Judging others.
When you judge someone else, you suffer. It is an outward display of inward inferiority and anger. No one person is better than another. The individual who cleans the bathroom at a fast food restaurant is no less of a person than the CEO that uses it.
Tip: Understand that we are all part of the collective human race. We are one. Your joy is my joy and your suffering is my suffering. (Read Buddha’s Brain.)
7. Comparing your story to everyone else’s.
It is good to notice what others are doing from time to time. After all, that is what helps us outline what we want and don’t want in our own lives. But comparing yourself to everyone else every step of the way takes it too far. You know when this happens – when you stop living your dreams or start living theirs.
Tip: You are unique. No matter how hard you try to be like someone else, you will never be them, and you shouldn’t want to be.
Shame is a deep, debilitating emotion, with complex roots. Its cousins are guilt, humiliation, demoralization, degradation and remorse. After experiencing a traumatic event, whether recent or in the distant past, shame can haunt victims in a powerful and often unrecognized manner.
Shame impairs the healing and recovery process causing victims of trauma to stay frozen, unable to forgive themselves for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Shame leaves victims with feelings of sadness and pain at the core of their being. They are unable to feel the fullness of joy in their lives.
If you feel any shame at all, acknowledge it upfront. Decide to experiment on forgiving yourself and letting go of the shame. How long can you go without reminding yourself about the shameful thoughts and feelings? How would life be different or better if you were able to forgive yourself? Who can you talk to about this?
Tip: The more you forgive yourself, the more time you have to focus your mind on happier times.
9. Disorganization and laziness.
We complain that there are not enough hours in a day to accomplish all that we want, yet our laziness often leads us to many wasteful hours of disorganization. The discipline it takes to sort through a messy desk, counter, closet or mind take time. Becoming organized is a habit. Start with something small, like your office desk or even making your bed after you get up.
Tip: Studies have shown that people who make their beds are statistically more productive, profitable and peaceful in their lives and careers. Interesting, isn’t it? But not surprising.
10. Fear of… everything.
Fear is one of the biggest reasons why we don’t move ahead in our lives. Fear of failing and fear of succeeding. Fear of the unknown. Fear of fear. As long as we are alive, we are prone to some level of fear. Ironically, to feel alive we must overcome that fear with action. As Bill Cosby once said, "Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it."
Tip: Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that your happiness and growth is more important than it. Do something every day that stretches your comfort zone and helps you face what your fear. (Read Daring Greatly.)
11. The need to be busy.
Busyness is often confused with productivity. They are two different things. Busy is running in place on a treadmill; productivity is actually getting somewhere worthwhile. These days technology gives us this constant feeling that there is so much to do and not enough time to do it. We are always connected to something that wants our attention, or something that could be done. This feeling creates stress. The more behind you think you are, the more stressed out you are going to feel.
Stress is not good for you. It makes it difficult to think, connect with others and it is associated with a plethora of physical ailments that lead to unhappiness.
Tip: Stop trying to be busy. Put first things first and give up the rest. Organization, meditation, improved time management and efficiency and a change in perception are all ways to manage stress. You must learn to let go. Release the excess. You were never able to do it all anyway.
By Lisa H.
1. If you feel angry and upset with someone, before you say something you might later regret, take a deep breath and count slowly to ten. In most circumstances, by the time you reach ten, you would have figured out a better way of communicating the issue, so that you can reduce instead of escalate the problem. If you're still upset after counting to ten, take a time out if possible, and revisit the issue after you calm down.
2. If you feel nervous and anxious, put cold water on your face, which triggers the mammalian diving reflex and immediately slows the heart rate between ten to twenty-five percent. It's also helpful to get fresh air and take deep breaths from the diaphragm. Avoid caffeinated beverages which can stimulate your nervousness (1)(2)(3).
3. If you feel fearful, depressed, or discouraged try intense aerobic exercises. Energize yourself. The way we use our body affects greatly the way we feel. As the saying goes - motion dictates emotion. As you experience the vitality of your body, your confidence will also grow (3)(4).
4. If you feel overwhelmed, confused, stuck, or uninspired go outdoors and clear your head.Go into nature and surround yourself in colors of green and blue, which have a calming effect (5)(6)(7). Find a panoramic view and look out into the distance. Walk. Take deep breaths. Empty your mind. Come back with a fresh perspective.
5. If you feel uncertain or indecisive, do a cost-benefit analysis. For example, if you’re having trouble deciding between staying at your current job or leaving, put each choice on a piece of paper with a line down the middle. With each option, list all the pros on one side, and the cons on the other side. If you like, score on a scale of 1 to 5 each pro and con item on the lists to weigh their relative importance. As you do so, the most logical decision will often emerge.
However, if you still feel uneasy after making a logical choice, put the analysis away and sit with the decision for a while. Go for a walk as recommended in tip #4 above. A good decision, especially an important one, should allow you to feel more at peace.
By Preston Ni, M.S.B.A.
When we start to have negative thoughts, it’s hard to stop them. And it’s much easier said than done to shift your focus to positive thoughts. But, it’s the only way, especially if you want to avoid going down a path that is painful and unnecessary.
Here are ten things I did to help overcome my negative thoughts that you can also try:
1. Meditate or do yoga.
One of the first things I did was head to a yoga class. It took my focus away from my thoughts and brought my attention to my breath. Yoga is also very relaxing which helped ease my mind. Yoga helped me stay present to my experience so instead of jumping to what could happen, it brought me back to the now—the only moment, the most important moment.
I didn’t do much of this during the weekend so I literally had to bring myself in front of a mirror and force myself to smile. It really does help change your mood and relieve stress. I also felt lighter because it takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown.
3. Surround yourself with positive people.
I called a friend who I knew could give me constructive, yet loving feedback. When you’re stuck in a negative spiral, talk to people who can put things into perspective and won’t feed your negative thinking.
4. Change the tone of your thoughts from negative to positive.
For example, instead of thinking, "We are going to have a hard time adjusting to our living situation," think, "We will face some challenges in our living situation, but we will come up with solutions that we will both be happy with."
5. Don’t play the victim. You create your life—take responsibility.
The way I was thinking and acting, you would think I was stuck. Even if our living situation becomes unbearable, there is always a way out. I will always have the choice to make change happen, if need be.
6. Help someone.
Take the focus away from you and do something nice for another person. I decided to make a tray of food and donate it to the Salvation Army. It took my mind off of things and I felt better for helping someone else.
7. Remember that no one is perfect and let yourself move forward.
It’s easy to dwell on your mistakes. I felt terrible that I acted this way and that I wasted our weekend. The only thing I can do now is learn from my mistakes and move forward. I definitely don’t want to have a weekend like that again.
I don’t remember lyrics very well and it’s probably the reason that I don’t enjoy singing, but every time I do sing I always feel better . When we sing, we show our feelings and this provides an amazing stress relief.
9. List five things that you are grateful for right now.
Being grateful helps appreciate what you already have. Here’s my list: My cats, health, a six-week trip to Asia, a new yoga class that I’ll be teaching, and for my mom’s biopsy coming out clean.
10. Read positive quotes.
I like to place Post-It notes with positive quotes on my computer, fridge door, and mirror as reminders to stay positive. Also, I’d like to share with you a quote by an unknown author that was shared in a meditation class that I attended:
Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.
Happy positive thinking!
By Michelle Uy
1. Be happy.
Studies have shown that when you choose to redirect your attention to the positive, your serotonin levels increase. It’s been known for years that your thoughts can alter blood flow to the brain, but only recently have scientists discovered that how you think can also alter neurotransmitter levels. Meditation has been shown to increase dopamine levels, and feelings of happiness also alter serotonin levels in your brain.
Low serotonin receptor function is associated with poor mood, and high serotonin levels are associated with better mood. Basically, while low serotonin may cause you to feel sad, feeling happy may also increase your serotonin levels. It’s not clear which is more powerful, but one way to increase serotonin may be through psychotherapy methods like cognitive behavioral therapy, meditation, and my personal favorite, HeartMath training.
Doing Heart Math training literally strengthens the part of your brain responsible for turning on the "happy state."
2. Get outside more.
Mark Sisson has written some excellent articles on the importance of sunshine and light exposure. He’s made a great point about how working outside can increase your productivity, happiness, and health. The problem is that it’s hard to move your office outside (although there are some tricks you can use to make it work). Nevertheless, working outdoors is not something most people are going to do. However, other research is showing that bright light exposure may be a way to help increase serotonin levels and alleviate depressive symptoms.
Bright light therapy is especially effective in pregnant women. On a slightly macabre note, autopsies have shown that people who died in the summer have higher serotonin levels than those who died in the winter. In studies where they purposely restrict tryptophan to lower serotonin levels, bright light prevents the normal drop in serotonin levels. If you’ve been suffering from depression or unexplained sadness, try to get outside more often. If you can’t, think about getting a wakeup light or installing some halogen bulbs in your work area.
In fact, since I live in Canada where it gets dark in the winter, I have 1000 watts of halogen light mounted above my desk, which serves nicely to stave off the winter blues.
If you’ve been reading the blog or listening to the podcast for any length of time, you’ve probably figured out that excess exercise is not Bulletproof. However, the right kinds of exercise can be beneficial for a number of reasons. A massive review of most of the available evidence found that exercise is extremely good at improving depressive symptoms and increasing mood. Some forward thinking agencies are even prescribing exercise instead of antidepressants, because "the risk–benefit ratio is poor for antidepressant use in patients with mild depression." In other words, exercise is more effective and safer, at least for people with mild depression. In animals, exercise increases serotonin levels and the firing rates of serotonin neurons. Does this mean you should start training for the Boston Marathon? No, but it is evidence you might benefit from a strength plan like the one we’ve laid out here. To learn more about the benefits of Bulletproof exercise, listen to our interview with Dr. Doug McGuff, M.D.
The last, and possibly most effective way to increase serotonin levels in your brain and improve your mood is to eat the Bulletproof Diet. In animals and humans, tryptophan increases serotonin levels. In cases of light to moderate to depression, tryptophan can also improve mood. Even in healthy people who are ranked as slightly more irritable than most, small amounts of tryptophan can make them more agreeable and less irritable. However, there is a difference between dietary and supplementary tryptophan.
Tryptophan supplements raise serotonin levels, but dietary tryptophan does not. If you do take tryptophan as a supplement, don’t take it when you have recently eaten protein, the other amino acids in protein compete with the absorption of tryptophan in the brain.
There is also evidence that a high tryptophan diet may be bad for you over the long-term. However, there are a few foods that may increase serotonin levels. Some of the proteins in whey can improve mood in humans after just a few hours. This might be one of the reasons people feel so much better eating Upgraded Whey.
In the end, changing the types and amounts of protein you eat is probably less effective than the types and amounts of fat you eat. Studies have shown that consuming omega-3s improves mood. On the other hand, consuming large amounts of oxidized artificial trans fats can decrease your mental performance and hurt your mood. When you eat these fats, they’re assimilated into your brain and other tissues. They replace the fats that you need like omega-3s, and make you more irritable, less intelligent, and less Bulletproof.
The Bulletproof Diet is high in omega-3 fats, clean saturated fats, and moderate amounts of animal protein to give your body what it needs for a stable mood, but not too much to cause inflammation.
Have you lost yourself? Are you so absorbed in your career, in your relationship, in the daily grind, or in an addiction that you’ve lost sight of who you are or where you’d like to be in life? Here are five ways to know you've lost yourself.
There are other ways, can you think of some? Can you see the theme? The underlying thread weaving it all together is: You aren’t stepping into your magnificence. For whatever reason, you’ve placed something/someone ahead of your own needs and desires. This isn’t a right or wrong kind of thing. Don’t beat yourself up because it happened; have compassion. Now that you recognize what’s going on, it’s time to pick yourself up by the bootstraps and take some action toward your new and improved life. We aren’t meant to live “small,” sitting on the sidelines watching the Game of Life. Even if you are an introvert (and that’s another article because I have some thoughts on that topic), you aren’t meant to use it as an excuse to shrink from this world. Life contracts as we contract. We all have gifts we bring into this world. We all can positively contribute by owning our value and worth, and using it for our highest good and the highest good of all. It isn’t selfish to let ourselves shine and to bring out the best in us. When we do that, we step into our magnificence which beautifies the world in a whole new way, and it gives others permission and inspiration to step into theirs. It takes courage to live life to its fullest and to follow your own path–not some else’s path.
Our self esteem is instilled in us during our youth. Being constantly criticized by family, friends, and society tends to slowly strip us of our feelings of self worth. Our low self esteem strips us of the self confidence to make even the smallest of decisions. Improving self esteem increases your confidence and is a first step towards finding happiness and a better life. Read on to find out how!
1. Dress nicely. No one is more conscious of your physical appearance than you are. When you look good, it changes the way you carry yourself and interact with other people. This doesn't mean you need to spend a lot on clothes. One great rule to follow is "spend twice as much, buy half as much". Rather than buying a bunch of cheap clothes, buy half as many select, high quality items. Expensive clothes wear out less easily and stay in style longer than cheap clothes. Find things that you like and, in return, you will like the way you look.
2. Have good hygiene. Take care of your personal appearance. In most cases, significant improvements can be made by bathing and shaving frequently, wearing clean clothes and brushing your teeth twice a day.
3. Practice good posture. People with slumped shoulders and lethargic movements display a lack of self confidence. They often are unenthusiastic and don't consider themselves important. By practicing good posture, you’ll automatically feel more confident. Stand up straight, keep your head up, and make eye contact. You'll make a positive impression on others and instantly feel more alert and empowered.
4. Work out regularly. Physical fitness has a huge effect on self confidence. If you’re out of shape, you’ll feel insecure and unattractive. By working out, you improve your physical appearance and do something constructive with your time. If you work out in the morning, it also creates positive momentum that you can build on the rest of the day.
5. Give back to others. Volunteer someplace in your community. If you stop thinking about yourself and concentrate on the contribution you’re making to the rest of the world, you won’t worry as much about your own flaws. This will increase your self esteem.
Personal development is a lifelong process. It’s a way for people to assess their skills and qualities, consider their aims in life and set goals in order to realise and maximise their potential.
This page helps you to identify the skills you need to set life goals which can enhance your employability prospects, raise your confidence and lead to a more fulfilling, higher quality life. Plan to make relevant, positive and effective life choices and decisions for your future to enable personal empowerment.
Practical Steps to Personal DevelopmentPractical steps can be taken to enhance personal development, including:
At a basic level, the term 'empowerment' simply means 'becoming powerful'. Building personal empowerment involves reflecting on our personal values, skills and goals and being prepared to adjust our behaviour in order to achieve our goals. Personal empowerment also means being aware that other people have their own set of values and goals which may different to ours.
Many other, more detailed, definitions exist. These usually centre on the idea that personal empowerment gives an individual the ability to:
By: Amanda Kay
An ego is a defensive mechanism used to keep us from tackling our fears, hopes and dreams.
"Ego will keep you broke for the rest of your life. It will not save you, but destroy you." -Dani Johnson
recognize the different types of egos and live a life you never imagined!
Here are 7 of the most common egos:
recognize your ego(s) and confront them.
We all have had one or more of these egos. We use them as a wall of protection and to avoid dealing with the core issue. The key is to not stay in this role forever. Keeping an ego keeps you from realizing your full potential because it blocks you from being your true self and it prevents people from wanting to deal with you. Take off that disguise and throw it out the door. Live your life without excuses!! Take charge!!
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