In 2011, the US Census Bureau reported, that percentage had dropped to 48 percent. In 2014, the Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that 124.6 million Americans 16 years and older were single, or 50.2 percent of the population, compared with 37.4 percent of the population in 1976.
Why are you single? Are you waiting for Mr. Perfect? News flash ladies, he doesn't exist! In this day and age, a lot of women are waiting for that 'knight in shining armor' to come and save the day and until then chanting "there are no good men!" Let's think for a minute - if women are constantly bashing men and claiming to be so independent, shouldn't any man feel offended and a little useless? I was accustomed to becoming so frustrated when I was told that men need us to cheer them on, pat them on the back, encourage them, and be their support system. Those are the things that we do for our children right? Here is an issue that some women are having - WE WANT AND NEED THE SAME THINGS!
I want to share with you one of my most favorite relationship quotes.
"So many good women have dealt with the wrong man and so many good men have dealt with the wrong woman that, by the time you two finally meet, you're BOTH afraid of each other."
Living Single is our latest relationship series! We want our female and male views involved. Email us your questions, comments and stories! firstname.lastname@example.org
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By K. Graves
Inappropriate mother and son relationships. This is a very touchy subject that should be addressed no matter how uncomfortable it makes us feel. Mothers using their sons to fulfill the emotional needs and in some cases molding him into the perfect spouse. Mental health professionals call this enmeshment.
It's an unhealthy dependency and attachment between two people like a parent with their child.
Signs of enmeshment :
Raising sons is an experience that I will always cherish. I have two sons who are nine years apart with very different personalities. My eldest is 17 and I raised him to be independent, a thinker, caring, and compassionate. I used education and tough love to motivate him. My youngest son is 8 and he is a mother’s boy. He is calm yet competitive, a sports enthusiast, thoughtful, and popular with kids and parents.
My relationship with my 17 year old is more of a mentor-type relationship. I had him when I was 15 and so we grew up together. I had no idea what I was doing as far as raising him. I made sure that I was honest with him about life. I am not raising my youngest son the same way because I am older and smarter. I took precaution with exposing him to things and I placed less emphasis on education. I found out it wasn’t necessary to tell him the truth about everything in life (because I don’t know everything) and I gave him room to explore.
My goal in raising my sons is for them to become self-sufficient men. I do not baby my boys and I don’t want them growing up thinking that I am all they have. The world is huge and they need as many connections as possible to understand folks. I want them to be actors and not reactors. Babying a son or having him feel like the most important man in a mother’s world kills his ability to make connections with mortals. It can also hinder his ability to leave the home and formulate healthy relationships with the opposite sex. I remember my aunt babying the hell out of her son and he turned into being a man who felt the world owed him and he refused the word “no.” Watching my cousin grow into a spoiled man who spent his earlier years in and out of the system made me leery about treating my son’s as the epitome of perfection or like a husband.
The goal in treating enmeshment is to create emotional differentiation.
We strongly suggest you seek family therapy if you believe that you're suffering from this condition.
By K. Graves
You've made up your mind, divorce is the only option. It's time to make plans. This may sound a bit premeditated but, if you do not have a plan in motion you could end up in an even worse situation.
More than fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce. And if that isn't bad enough, women are the hardest hit as a result.
Please make sure you read Divorce! Part 1 "Life After". Seeing the outcome can insure you're making the best decision.
Finances: Do not depend on child support or alimony because nothing is guaranteed. You would have to qualify for spousal support and it's not as easy as you think. In most cases the spouse will fight to keep as much money as possible.
Career: Make sure you have job stability. You have to count up the cost. Can you successfully live on your income alone?
Children: What will you tell your children? Many people stay in bad relationships fearing the kids won't be able to handle the transition. We create and set the tone in our lives. If mom is ok the children will adjust. Make sure the little ones understand that the decision for divorce is not their fault and that you both love them unconditionally.
Support System: Don't worry about the opinion of others. The people who truly love you will be at your side no matter what.
Future Goals: Out with the old and in with the new! Change can be difficult but not impossible. Take time out to consider what is best for you and set new goals. It will seem awkward at first but it's very important to keep moving so you won't fall into depression. Remember to protect yourself at all times.
Written by K. Graves
Divorce is a very painful thing. There is nothing that can immediately take the pain away. It is something that must be worked through. If you are experiencing divorce, there is a grieving process. Taking away the pain would make you miss out on the growing process which is so necessary to bring about real healing, And you might risk getting into a rebound relationship.
Here are 8 tips that may help your transition.
Let yourself mourn: Some people are afraid to expose their weaknesses even to themselves. You can fall apart! Cry, scream, yell, throw things and let it go.
Work through your feelings: Don't avoid yourself. Face your pain and eventually things get a little easier day by day.
Learn to like yourself: What's so wrong with you? You are awesome!
Rediscover who you used to be: Family was your main priority and over the years you became last. Go find yourself!
Discover a new side of yourself: There is nothing wrong with trying something new. It can actually be quite refreshing.
Dare to be alone: I challenge you to spend a day with yourself. You just might enjoy it.
Consider transitional relationships: Once you feel ready, build a friendship with someone who is not your type and chances of you creating a rebound relationship are slim.
Embrace your new roles: You've depended on your spouse and now all of a sudden you are responsible for it all. Get your game plan together, it's you against the world!
By K. Graves
Although some bad habits may seem minor, over time they can really add up and damage the relationship. Often, people underestimate how damaging these seemingly silly habits can be. If your guilty of any of these relationship habits, make changes to help nurture and grow your relationship instead of damaging it.
1. Nagging Too Much.
Many studies have pointed to nagging as being the number one factor that makes men dissatisfied with their relationships. Don’t nag your partner. Remember that your partner doesn’t have to do things according to your timeline and nagging will only make the situation worse.
2. Not Taking Care of Yourself.
You aren’t going to be a good partner unless you take care of yourself. The best partners are people who care for their emotional, physical, and spiritual health. Take care of yourself so you can give to your relationship.
3. Taking Your Partner for Granted.
The longer you’ve been together the easier it can be to take your partner for granted. Take time to appreciate your partner every day so that you don’t overlook how fortunate you are.
It can be easy to nod your head or say you agree to something without ever really hearing what your partner said. Half-listening to what your partner is one of those relationship habits that can lead to a lot of problems. Work on your communication so you can truly listen to what your partner has to say.
5. Avoiding Discussions About Problems.
Ignoring problems won’t make them disappear. In fact, many problems get worse when you don’t address them. Don’t avoid your relationship problems. Instead, be willing to tackle them in an adult manner.
6. Not Being Assertive.
Pretending to agree with your partner when you don’t isn’t healthy. It can lead to anger and resentment over time. Speak up and share your feelings in a respectful manner.
7. Testing Your Partner’s Loyalty.
Don’t test your partner’s loyalty. It will likely backfire over time. Instead, focus on your own loyalty toward your partner.
8. Complaining About Your Partner.
Don’t call your mother or your best friend to complain about your partner.
If you are upset or don’t like your partner’s behavior, talk to your partner directly.
9. Time Spending.
time with friends and family is part of being a well-balanced person. However, if you spend too much time with others, you could neglect your relationship. Strive to find just the right balance and it will help keep your relationship fresh and exciting.
10. Using the Silent Treatment.
The silent treatment is a passive-aggressive tactic that can harm your relationship.
It is often about control and not about trying to calm down. Learn how to address your issues in a more productive manner.
11. Taking Teasing Too Far.
Although a little teasing can lead to a good laugh, taking teasing too far can damage the relationship. Don’t embarrass your partner in front of others or continue to tease when your partner asks you to stop.
12. Telling “White Lies”
One of the worst relationship habits is lying. Even those little white lies can seriously damage your relationship. Whether you aren’t honest about how much you spent on a shopping trip or where you went last, it can destroy the relationship.
13. Focusing on Your Happiness.
Only Too often, people focus on what they’re gaining from the relationship rather than focusing on what they’re giving. Whether you’re happy or not, put effort into making your partner happy.
14. Keeping Score.
Don’t keep score about who earned what or whose turn it is next. Instead, focus on working together as a team to do what’s best for the relationship.
15. Making a Scene in Public.
Throwing a fit at a restaurant, yelling on the sidewalk, or exhibiting the silent treatment at a friend’s party can all be very damaging to the relationship. Avoid making a scene in public. Instead, keep your private business just between the two of you.
By Amy Morin
Have you ever questioned your relationship with someone? Here are a few titles for those of you who dare to label..
Breakups are never easy even if the decision is mutual. The worst thing you can do is not allow yourself to mourn. Cry, punch your pillow, write about it - surround yourself with loving friends who love you and listen. Don't pretend to be uneffected by the breakup; don’t let pride get in the way of you being real to yourself. You don’t have to fall apart at the office, but take some quiet moments to reflect and be honest with yourself. It’s okay to be angry, hurt or humiliated. It’s healthier to express yourself rather than grow numb.
Why do breakups hurt so much, even when the relationship is no longer good? A divorce or breakup is painful because it represents the loss, not just of the relationship, but also of shared dreams and commitments. Romantic relationships begin on a high note of excitement and hope for the future. When these relationships fail, we experience profound disappointment, stress, and grief.
Recovering from a breakup or divorce is difficult. However, it’s important to keep reminding yourself that you can and will move on. But healing takes time, so be patient with yourself.
Remember to seek professional help if you become overwhelmed.
Today there is a very high rate of divorce and failed marriages because a lot of people entered into the marriage without preparing properly.They thought love was enough to carry them through and failed to build a solid foundation for marriage.There are many questions you need to ask yourself before seeking out your potential spouse.
Here are 20 questions that I think every single person should ask him or herself before deciding to get married.
1. Do I truly know what commitment, sacrifice and faithfulness is?
2. Am I spiritual, emotional, mentally and financially ready for it?
3. Do I have unresolved issues with my parents or elders, and if so, am I taking steps to work through them?
4. Have I lived on my own, and if not, do I want to?
5. Where do I stand on having children? Do I want kids or not? Have I considered all possibilities?
6. Am I ready and willing to embrace my spouse’s family (including children he or she may have) as my own?
7. Do I know who I am and what I want out of life?
8. Does my joy and happiness only come from this person?
9. Am I still carrying sexual, emotional, behavioural and spiritual baggage from past relationships?
10. When it comes to the life I have dreamed of, what are the things that I consider non-negotiable?
11. Do I believe in traditional roles of a husband and wife in marriage, or do I expect something different?
12. Do I pretend when I am with him/her or am I myself?
13. Why do I want to marry this person? Are they great reasons?
14. What would be missing from my life if she or he weren't in it?
15. Do we share the same values, principles and world views?
16. Does he or she respect and value me? Do I?
17. Am I getting married because I want a wedding or because I want to have a great marriage?
18. Do I feel pressure from my parents, family, friends, pastor or age to get married?
19. Does he or she bring something of value into my life?
20. Do I know how to submit and to love?
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We're all guilty of undermining at some point in our relationship and at times without even realizing it. Life would be so much easier if everyone could follow that golden rule -Treat others the way you want to be treated. However, this is the real world and unfortunately life is not that simple. Here are a list of relationship underminers and enhancers.
Bad mouthing your spouse to others
Singing your spouse’s praise or at the least venting with the appropriate people without any character assassinations
Making negative assumptions about the intent of your spouse’s behavior
Giving them the benefit of the doubt
Fighting Dirty- name calling, bringing up the past, using terms like always or never
Fighting fair-Stay on topic, be respectful
Focusing on the negative things the person does
Focusing on the positive things they do and the joy they bring
Not listening when they talk and not trying to understand the meaning of what they are saying
Making a point to listen and understand
Playing the blame game
Look at your own behaviors and how you affect the other person first
Getting caught up in the dailies
Make your relationship and your partner a priority
Talking down to the person
Treating your spouse like a partner who has things to bring to the relationship
Only seeing things from your own point of view
Putting yourself in their shoes to see things their way
Taking your loved one for granted
Showing your appreciation for all the wonderful things they do
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